*TV powers on* *button click* -steady, use both hands at all times. That's some expensive technology you're holding! Attaboy! *laughs* Look at you, Mr. Director! Mr. Big-Shot-Director over here! The next Steven Spielberg, goodness. Hon, come take a look, Jake's holding it like a professional. Ohp, you're zooming in, bud. Look through the...Learn More

[Brian David Gilbert & Karen Han] We like watching birds! It’s a pastime that brings us so much joy We like watching birds And we watch them all of the time From the sparrow to the hawk Robins, green herons, and ducks! Oh yes, we like watching birds And we’d like for you to watch, too! We like watching birds As they watch us back from in the...Learn More

Are you looking for a new bed? Well, you're in luck. Because I have one. And I wanna sell it to you. Please buy my bed. Nothing bad has ever happened on it. It's a beautiful twin bed with a brushed metal frame. Ain't nothin' bad eva' happened on this bed! Do you like to sleep? I do too. But not on this bed anymore, 'cuz I want you to have...Learn More

[Brian] Those new shoes? [Patrick] You talkin' about these? [Brian] Those puppies new? [Patrick] You're wondering if these are new shoes. [Brian] You got some new shoes? [Patrick] Oh I get the sense you're wondering if these are new shoes. [Brian] New shoes. [Patrick] Are we speaking about these? [Brian] I *pshh* I'm talking about...Learn More

[Brian David Gilbert, spoken] Oh. Oho! OhhhhhHO! Mamma mia. Oh my... Oh my GOD. That pickle was squishier than I thought it was gonna be. Phwoah that feeling when you bite into a pickle and it's not as crisp... 'cause it-the pickle is... it's a little squishy. You know that feeling? [Karen Han, spoken] Sure [Brian David Gilbert, spoken] What is...Learn More

The days of spring will surely bring the birds and bees cavorting. But since I am a gentleman, I'd much rather be jorting. Hi, I'm Brian David Gilbert, and if you're familiar with my filmography or discography, you know that I am a jorts enthusiast. Get along! Now that the weather has warmed, I have received hundreds upon hundreds of emails from...Learn More

Thom could you please uh, close the door, you're letting out the air conditioning. Thom, Thom are you listening to me? Thomas, ple-, Thomas you get back here and you close the front door! I didn't raise you in a barn Thomas Edward Yorke! Come back here!...Learn More

Why do people rip up flowers When counting petals works just as well? I usually like to know my chances And with probability I can probably tell Oddly enough, even won't figure out If you start with she loves me You know that love could be so simple If people opened up their eyes to see I've always been a scientist, since the day I was born I liked...Learn More