Constellations are all bollocks They do not look like things But clouds are, on the other hand, Such lovely, lovely things They're big and white and fluffy They float along all day Along and up, up and along They float along the way But here's something I thought of I thought of it right now I do not want to be a cloud I want to be a cow For...Learn More

Where d'you get your food from Grandma? Though I'm grateful that you feed me a lot From the biscuits to the chocolate To the tea bags to the crumpets You have products no one else has got In other people's houses they have Cornflakes and Kit-Kats But your cupboard hasn't any of these You give me unbranded malt flakes And mysterious wafers And...Learn More

Last year, my friend invited me On Facebook rather urgently To join a group she started And was proud as proud could be She said, "I've got a great idea Just put your name and email here Together we will stand and we will Stop the BNP" I said, "What will my email do?" She said, "We just need folks like you To stick it to Nick Griffin and his Band...Learn More

[Spoken Word: Jay, Mark] Someone's emailed usasking which country's shape is most like a square What a stupid question Totally pointless... Slovakia? No Georgia? No... Bangladesh? No, Bangladesh looks like a wizard You think everything looks like a wizard Hm... Ghana? Too long North Macedonia? Too round Liberia? No Malaysia? Jay, Malaysia is not a...Learn More