[Lyric] 200 Motels Commercial Session Outtakes (Jim Pons, Howard Kaylan, Mark Volman & Frank Zappa)

Okay, guys, ready to do the commercial?
Yeah, here we go (Yeah, alright)
Alright, come on, let's go, let's do this commercial
Alright, Frank, we're all ready
The guy is really not smooth (I know, okay, are you ready to do it?)
He thinks that he is so innocent, I can't believe it (Man)

Okay, here we go (Hi)
Two, hi, hi (Hi)
This is Mark and Howard and Jim here (Hi, hi)
And we wanna tell you there's a great, great new movie out, yeah
Yeah, and we're all in it and it's callеd 200 Motels
And I mean it is creativе, mm
Is he always like this?
Who, Zappa? (Uh-huh)
Yeah, ever since I've been in the band (Shh, we're rolling, we're rolling)
We are? Oh, sorry (We're ro—, oh)
Take two (Hi)

Let's try another one, okay?
Okay (Sure, Frank)
Hi (Let's try another one, okay?)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, mm (He must've heard me)
This guy is fucking out of it (I think he did hear, he hears everything)
Can he hear me in there when I—
Yeah, okay, look at him, he's chewing his Baby Ruth in there (I've never been in a recording studio before)
Just saving the little nuts for the end (You've never been in a studio?)
Course not, no (He's never been in a studio before)
Puts 'em in his teeth, man
Zappa's never been in a studio before (Let's try another one)
Sure, sure, we're ready, Frank, roll it (Okay)
Okay, listen, I don't know what we're doing in here
It's ten minutes to eight (We're advertising the)
We have ten more minutes, man (Ten minutes)
He's paying for this, it's a lucky thing (Right, right)
'Cause I have to leave quick, 'cause I've gotta get out of it
Listen, my name's Jim
Hey, Jim, what's happening? (Hi, Jim)
He didn't introduce us
Oh, I'm Howard (Oh, I'm Mark, this is Howard)
Yeah, we're from The Mothers, you know, the group you— (Are you?)
You haven't met Jim? He's the bass player in the group
Oh (Oh), oh, well, personnel changes so quickly
Can we try it again, please?
Yeah, yeah, we, okay (Okay)
Sincere now, Howard, we wanna make him believe that we love the movie
Well, we do love them, we love the movie and we loved being a part of it
But schlupping to make a commercial in this little rancid studio
Is not my idea of a good time, I'll tell you, man (Right, we don't like it, ok—)
Roll it, Frank, we're ready to go
Okay, let's take one now

Okay, hi, kids (Hi)
Hey, Howie here and Mark (Hi, hey; Hello? Hello? Hello?)
Hey, you remember us, those guys with the shells (And, and, uh, and Jim?)
Well, let me tell ya (Oh, yes)
We're in a big new movie that Frank produced
And it's really coming out and it's no, no kidding around this time
We wanna tell ya— (What's it callled?)
What will this evening
Bring me this morning?
Dawn will arise
Without any warning

You are dreaming (Oh, I'm so sleepy today)
Howard, listen to the album, I mean, United Artists
It's got the Royal Philharmonic (I just love the Royal Philharmonic)
It's got the Mothers of Invention
And it's got a whole choir singing and they're singing songs about

A Swedish aparatus
With a hood and a bludgeon
With a microwave oven
Honey, how do it feel, yeah

Oh, oh
200 Motels

Let's try another one, okay? (Okay)
Hey, what is wrong, what's wrong with him?
He gets tense, it's his money we're spending
Is he always like this? (And it's a good thing he's paying for it)
It's not always like this (Because this is a waste of time, I wanna tell ya)
I mean, sometimes the guy can't see
We're rolling (Yeah?)
How long is this gonna take?
I don't know, man, we've been here a couple hours
Let me tell ya, it's a good thing we get paid to do this (Yeah)
We were supposed to be out of here an hour ago
Is your old lady picking you up, man?
No, man, I rode with Jim
Oh, yeah? Well, listen, I hope this commercial stuff gets out away
The guy makes a movie and he goes off the deep end, you know what I mean?
Really, he thinks he's Fellini or something
Yeah, and he gets us to come out here and make all these cheap commercials
You know, we're supposed to say, "United Artists presents 200 Motels
Murakami-Wolf Bizarre Productions
And it's got the Mothers of Invention and it's got Theodore Bikel
And it's got Ringo Starr and it's got all sorts of weirdness"
That, you know, who cares, man? (Right, who wants to hear that stuff?)
I mean, I don't know if I can
I mean, who's gonna buy a movie with newts and concentration camps and
Anyway, after all the things that Zappa's promised anyway for the last five years, movie-wise
Yeah, they don't even think it is a movie, man, I mean
I'm not even in the movie, I was hitchhiking in Sunset
That's right, you never made that movie (No)
That was cool to do and all, but I, you know
A cheap getoff, I mean, I, I don't know what we're doing out here
Lookit, man, it's almost ten minutes of 8 (Well)
What do you think, huh?
Good thing we're getting paid to do this (It's always, it's always the same)
I mean, he says do it, we do it, and we do it (Where's Zappa?)
What's it called? (200 Motels) 200 Motels
Not 2000 Motels and it's not a documentary
It's a silly, fun-filled event
And there's lots of music and the Royal Philharmonic orchestra
Did you read the press kit? Make your eyebrows go up and down
Yeah, make your— hey, ho
That's it, let's try another one
Okay, okay, take it, Howie (Hey, hey)
Hey, thanks a lot, kids, and hiya, hiya, hiya
We're three guys from the Mothers of Inventions
And I wanna tell you we've got a snazzy new movie for you to see
Wait a minute, wait a minute (Wait, really, I just)
Why don't you say something, Jim?
I just, I'm not, I just hitchhiked, I was hitchhiking
Frank picked me up and said, uh (You wanna be in the band?)
Come in and, he wanted me to talk 'cause I had a low voice or something
I don't really know what's happening here
He pays me to sing 'cause I've got a high one
He pays me to sing 'cause I can sing higher than Howie (That's right)
Is this, is this supposed to be a commercial?
This is supposed to be a commercial for the—
Ha, let's try another one
Hey, another one
Yeah, this is a commercial for the movie 200 Motels
You haven't heard anything about it? (No, what)
Theodore Bikel's in it (200 Motels)
Ringo Starr is in it
Keith Moon, where have you been at man? (All the Mothers of Invention)
There's a conentration— yeah, it's been a rolling stone
I just came down from Big Sur (Oh)
Oh, no wonder, Esalen, I'll bet (Yeah)
No pants on, can't you tell right away (Oh, he's naked through the trees)
What about 200 Motels?
Oh, it's a movie, United Artists
They gave Frank the money, he did a movie (That's right, finally a movie)
Color (It's good, it's good and everything)
It's got some cartoon stuff in it, you know
There's a double-record set with a poster and a book
Poster and a book and, uh, Howard's in it
And he makes you guys stand in here and, uh (He makes us do everything)
Well, you know (Oh, I see)
You gotta get some bread even if you wanna drop out
Yeah, yeah, that's why I came to Hollywood (To drop out?)
Yeah, no, to make some bread, you know
Then you can drop out (Yeah)
Gonna get your head together? (Yeah)
Yeah, but I'll make it (I don't blame you, man)
Does he pay you for this? (Well, you know, uh)
Let's discuss some—
Tell me about the movie
Well, the movie is, um, it's long, it's full-length, yeah (It's a full-length feature)
Oh, and it's, it's really interesting (The drive-in)
Really? (I mean)
Even if you weren't into the kind of a, of a social, rock
Perverse, avant garde commentary that this movie proposes to be
You'd get off cheaply
It's an R (Yeah)
Is it? (But it's clean)
Not the least bit offensive
Is it out soon? (Out soon)
Out now (I think you'd like it)
Who's in it? (Oh)
Um, I'm in it (Oh, I'm in it)
Yeah? (Yeah)
And who cares who else is in it?
Once you got us, man, there you go, you know what I mean?
I mean, Ringo Starr's in it, but he looks like Frank through the whole movie
Yeah, and Theodore Bikel's in it, but he talks with a funny accent
Uh-oh, Frank's back, Frank's back

Listen, you, you think you could slant a little bit more about how inoffensive it is?
Sure (Mm)
It's not offensive at all
It's rated R? (Rated R)
But it's clean
I mean, there are some things in it that
I would think any movie Frank Zappa produced would be—
Well, you see, but that's the fallacy, the image of the thing—
Don't say "phallic-cy"
Don't say ever "phallic-cy" around me
I didn't ever say that (Because it—)
This movie is not offensive
Is there any nudity?
Well, um (Of course, "Well, um")
But the body is such a beautiful thing
You can't say that it's offensive, I mean, you know?
I mean, you come from Big Sur don't you? (It's got a, it's got a dog in it)
Yes, I do (You hitchhiked from Big Sur?)
But I'm sixty-nine years old too (Well, it's never too late)
Yeah (You're sixty-nine?)
Yes, I've been living in Big Sur
All these years? (All these years)
No wonder he didn't know that 200 Motels was coming out
No wonder
Are there any four-letter words?
Four-letter, well (Four-letter words)
I mean, to you, they might seem offensive, four-letter words
But to me, I mean, I am free, you know? (Of course, you've got, you have long hair)
Cleansed, liberated, liberated (Liberated, thank you)
And I, to me, four-letter words are as, you know, as natural as the driven snow
Right, you're typical, typical of the wandering youth
The long-haired, uh (Yeah, aimless)
What's the matter with you, old man? (Well, I don't know)
What, do you got the downs on us or something?
It's not offensive, old man (Not against you personally)
It really isn't, man, I mean (Not against you personally)
Who is this guy? (I think he's Frank's dad)
I told you, no, no, no
You pick up the weirdest guys on the road
I'm telling you, look at his teeth
Hey, Frank, who is this guy?
This is Jim Pons, our new bass player
Oh, you're not in the movie?
Uh, no, I'm not in the movie
Oh, well, I can see why you're so—
No wonder, he's bitter (Oh, bitter)
Bitter? Right? It's the old hard cheese
Right, "I'm not in the movie, it can't be good"
Right, Jim? Right? Right? (Right, well, well)
I'll tell you, man, the movie didn't offend me (Oh, me neither)
I mean, I, I consider myself, you know (I mean, I have been offended before)
People have called me a professional liberal
But they've also said, "Wow, that radical"
So who's to say, you know what I mean?
Oh, I know what you mean
Yeah, well, who's this guy?
Do you know what he means?
I have no idea what any of you mean
I was just hitchhiking on the, on Sunset Boulevard
Tell 'em about the album
Frank Zappa stopped me and said
"Hey, uh, I just decided with the rest of the fellas
That the next person that I stopped and picked up hitchhiking
Would be the bass player in my band," and, uh (Mm)
Just like Martin (Just like Martin)
I don't even know how to play bass, much less what a bass is
Oh, you'll fit into the group real good
You know, I'm just standing here
Just trying to watch you guys and see how the record industry operates
The record, we got an album that comes from this movie (That's what I heard)
It's not offensive either
No, no, it's got lots of good music on it (What is it, a soundtrack?)
Yeah, it's a soundtrack, it's a double-record set, The Royal Philharmonic
Two, that means, that means four sides, double-record set
Yeah, double, oh, we were going too fast with the variety terms
You mean, two, two actually records, two actual records
Yeah, two records, four sides (Two actual records)
It's got a little book (Turn it over? You know?)
It's got a little book inside with about sixteen, uh (Poster)
Hiya, guys (This is Frank)
Hi, hi, Frank (How's the session going?)
Oh, good, who is this guy you picked up? (Who's the bass player?)
This is Jim Pons, he used to work with The Turtles
Hi, Jim (Hey, Jim)
Howard (A pleasure, man)
How are you doing? (Mark)
Good to meet you (Yeah, good to see you)
Sorry, I just had no chance to, uh, introduce myself earlier (Well, I'm a little shy about introducing myself)
I was just down on Wilcox (Oh yeah)
Would you guys read part of this? (Sure)
You know, about the film and everything (Sure)
Okay, would you like any specific kind of, uh
Maybe Jim should use, do that part (Yeah, Jim, you do that part)
Well, you know, I've never, uh
Well, see, it can't be that hard (Yeah, come on, man, I mean)
Let me get a music stand

I saw six-foot newts (Of course)
I saw concentration camps
Those are only the things that you see in your dreams
That's what I said to myself
They are not dreams, Howard, they are real
And they are at a theater or drive-in
And they are United Artists and they are Frank Zappa
They are 200 Motels