[Lyric] A Sestina for the Representation of Suicide in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Maya Williams)

Valencia: Rebecca, please. Promise me you’ll never do it again.
Rebecca: I...I would love to promise you that. I’d love to promise you all that. But I can’t.
--Gabrielle Ruiz (Valencia) and Rachel Bloom (Rebecca); Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, Season 3 Episode 6

I’m surprised no tears streamed down my face
while watching this. Valencia talks about the necessity for hope
but, in reality, she’s scared.
If I saw this when I was first thinking about suicide
maybe I wouldn’t have madе any false promises
to my mother aftеr my attempt. I didn’t see this soon enough on television.

The concept of healing is an overnight bandaid on television.
I almost gave up on this show, and then this scene landed in my face;
As much as I love my family, I don’t owe them pinky promises
when it comes to my mental health; honesty has to be much healthier than hope.
I didn’t tell them enough how much I wanted to die even after my attempt of suicide.
Black people have the lowest rates of suicidal deaths, but we are still scared

of how to stay alive without the pressure. Scared
because of the many deaths we had before; including what isn’t shown on television.
Rachel Bloom had low ratings on top of mentioning suicide
more than once before this specific episode. She is not Black, but having to face
the fear of cancellation and maintain the hope
for another season’s creative promises
must have been difficult. It’s good Rebecca didn’t make any promises.
Although not in the same way as Valencia, she is also scared.
Finally receiving a diagnosis did not force the notion or idea of hope
to come to her. Critiquing showy faux empowerment on television
through song beforehand made that clearer to face
for viewers unfamiliar with mental health and suicide.

No one ever wants their loved one to die by suicide.
We make shooting star, 11:11, and birthday wishes for promises
of livelihood and happiness for them to face.
Through that effort, we don’t talk enough about what makes us scared.
Sometimes the unexpected yet remarkable gift of television
can help us see what’s scary. Oddly, that’s the unexpected form of hope

we needed. It’s not fair how it’s seen as cheesy to talk about hope,
while simultaneously it’s a weaponized distraction to keep from talking about suicide
in the first place. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on television
continues to make me think of how I could have articulated my lack of promises
better to my loved ones. How I could have articulated how scared
both me and my loved ones were. How to let tears stream down my mother’s face.
​
Consider this scene a step in normalizing the permission to not make promises.
Consider this scene a step in normalizing the permission to talk about suicide.
Consider this scene a step in normalizing the permission to crave this on television.