[Lyric] I Wash My Ass Like a Man (Kollektivet)

I wake up in the morning, ahhh…
Satin covers
I have my breakfast with some lovely herbal tea
And then I brush and floss my teeth and hit the shower
Honey milk shampoo and facial cream
And then it’s time for little ol’ me to wash my ASSSSSSSSSS!!!

Eww, what are you doing?
I’m washing my ass
It looks like you’re trying to kill it
Honey, this is how a man washes his ass
Listen!

I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man

This is what we do
Gotta get them traces of poo
From the top of the ass crack
All the way to the ball sack
Ah, I wash my ass like a man
Use some water and soap
And a gun that goes bang!
There are species down there, unknown to mankind
And when the shit hits the fanny
Shit get crazy behind
I take my hand and reach
For detergent and bleach
Eliminate the dingleberries and wipe till it bleeds

This ain’t no pH friendly soap
It’s fucking acid on a cactus
Smear some hydrocortisone on a rock
That’s the practice

There is no escaping
Gotta get that butthole gaping
With the razor blades scrapin’
We be fistin’ ass rin’

I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man
I pluck my eyebrown now and then
I wash my ass like a man

Get out of the shower
Dry my ass with a towel
Then I smell that shit
Still smells like shit
Get back in there and wash it like a man again
I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man

Chicks can just splash some water
To get that ass shiny
I wrap barbed wire around my hands
And go Bruce Lee on my heinie

Sand paper, blow torch, chainsaw, pile driver
You got a breeze blowing gently between your cheeks
Smells of flowers and sunshine
While my ass reeks

You got a hairless rear
I got a jungle down there
You get eaten by an orangutan
Conditions are worse than in Pyongyang

You gotta understand the consequences of ass
If we don’t wash it proper
We’ll get lethal levels of methane gas
Biochemical shitstorms
Death and disease
If the UN went in there they would find WMDs
So I rub and scrub and grope until I’m all outta breath
My hand is my shepherd in the valley of death
I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man
I do my yoga routine
And wash wash my ass like a man
I think I tore myself a new one when I washed my ass with that gun
(Oh… shit)

I wash my ass like a man
I wash my ass like a man
I love scented candles then
I wash my ass like a man

Ladies of the world, heed the words of this song
Lend your man a hand and turn that high pressure washer on!
High pressure washer on!
High pressure washer on!
Help your man get clean and turn that high pressure washer on!
High pressure washer on!
High pressure washer on!
We can do it together with that high pressure washer on!

Damn, my butt has never been this clean
You could practically eat off of it
Fantastic!

fart

Goddamn it!