[Lyric] My Personal Relationship with Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Who I Probably Made Up (Schaffer, Riley, and the Double Ice Backfire)

[Verse 1]
I invented Jesus, and I put him into my head
Because I don’t understand how we don’t exist
When we’re dead
He shows me angels and ghosts
He loves my mumbo-jumbo words
Jesus killing science, screaming
“Death to the herds”

[Chorus]
Praise the lordy lord

[Verse 2]
My child, I'm the son of God
His only begotten son, impossibly unflawed
For the Father so loved the Earth
That he delivered it a savior via virgin birth
That whoever shall believeth in him shall not perish
Upon them bestowed a gift eternally cherished
Spreadeth mine word so men may hear it again
In the name of the father, son and holy spirit, amen
So, if we’re good, we’ll go on high
That’s why Jesus is my guy
Take this flesh, this blood of mine
Eat of this bread, drink of this wine
I’ll pack a suitcase, when I die
Climb on Jesus’s skyride
I bought in to Jesus
Now, I don’t have to be scared
‘Cause when I die and go to heaven
Fucker, you won’t be there
He’s so forgiving and kind
Thou shalt not suffer a fool
Even when I fuck up
Jesus tells me it’s cool
[Chorus]
Praise the lordy lord

[Verse 3]
Like I taught the lot of my flock
In that sermon that I served them from the top of that rock
You gotta beware of prophets who are false in their speech
For their clothing of sheep belies the wolves that hide underneath
But remembereth that judgment is for God and God alone
And let he who is without sin be first to toss a stone
The Kingdom of Heaven awaits ascending of men
I am the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end
Be still and quiet
Shut out the light
Jesus comes for us, tonight
I am the door, I am the lord and the light
I am the way, I am the truth and the life
We’ll live forever, fucking tight
Jesus loves it when I’m right

[Bridge]
Let us pray
Amen
It’s Emperor Jesus
New clothes
Your faith he excretes it
Who knows? He just might be inside me
Let the choir sing
Head bowed, all-one in his presence
Mind clouded up by his essence
True bros can’t help but believe it
I got the Jesus
Flames on my breeches
Better believe he reprieves all the Sneetches
[Verse 4]
And, no, it isn’t a sin
Jesus says “one man shall only love another if it’s him”
I guess he’s jealous and stuff
I guess I’m kind-of the same
All I need is Jesus when he squeezes my brain

[Chorus]
Praise the lordy lord

[Verse 5]
For you I died high on that cross
The lesson was self-sacrifice, that message was lost
You gotta sell your possessions, gotta give to the poor
And for the sick and the hungry, you gotta open your doors
For all of God's children are your sisters and brothers
As I have loved you, you must love one another
Eternal paradise awaits not the pious of men
When your personal lord and savior rises again
He’s in a spaceship of the mind
Jesus 2099
Take this flesh, this blood of mine
Eat of this bread, drink of this wine
And we’ve transcended human kind
Me and Jesus, we’ve got mine
Peace be with you