[Lyric] Sensitivity (Jane White & Robert Weil)

[QUEEN, spoken]
We must think of a test that sounds fair, and looks fair, and seems fair, and isn't fair! When you got the idea of testing her for sensitivity I could have applauded right out loud. But exactly what?

[WIZARD, spoken]
Table manners?

[QUEEN, spoken]
No, that's not good enough. Sensitivity...
(sung)
Sensitivity, sensitivity
I'm just loaded with that!
In this one word is
The epitome of the aristocrat
Sensitive soul and sensitive stomach
Sensitive hands and feet
This is the blessing, also the curse
Of being the true elite
Common people don't know what
Exquisite agony is
Sufferеd by gentle peoplе
Like me! Just
Get your hands off me
Think up a tricky
Test for that wretched, moat-swimming princess
[WIZARD]
Madame, may I suggest:
Maybe we ought to--

[QUEEN]
Don't take all night! I'm not well, I need my rest...
Not that I ever sleep on that lumpy mattress: Oh God, my back!
Sensitivity, bane of royalty
That bed's a torture rack
Oh, I hate to sound grumpy
But my nerves are so jumpy
I am sure I could feel any lump
Even if it were under the mattress and small as a
Pea! That's the answer!
Under the mattress
We'll test her tonight
One tiny pea
Beneath one thick
Downy mattress
Oh God, you're bright!
Any genuine princess would feel it
If she doesn't she's through!
Get the tiniest pea and order
One mattress--no! Make it two!

[WIZARD, spoken]
Why not five?
[QUEEN]
Ten, I think would plenty--
Better still make it twenty
And to play it safe, in the event
Even that's not enough to insure that she sleeps
We'll give her a soothing sedative, won't we?
You can whip up a drink
Something stunning

[WIZARD]
Ah--

[QUEEN]
Oh, but you're devilish!
I love the way you think!
She's insensitive, so insensitive
She'll fall asleep no doubt
God, but you're clever!
Brilliant!
A genius!
You are divine--
Get out!