[ Verse 1: Oscar Bunnik ]
Woke up, had dream that I died. And It was beautiful
Got 2 messages in group chats none personal, as usual
Stupid me to think somebody cares bout what I did
Why am I so dellusional to believe somebody gives a shit
This won't be any bars, just to get this of my fuckin chest
I feel like a faillure everytime that I am not the best
Leave me alone, but I need you cause I am fuckin stressed
I don't know wheter I'm depressed or I'm just going mad
Go take a shower, Pass the mirror. I just turn away
I don't likе the look faillure
I don't wanna see the pain
I don't wanna see all of thе shame that floats around my name
I don't wanna see this fucking face, that I fucking hate
Go downstairs, fake a smile for my mother
I never had a smile for myself. Only laughed for others
Don't want my mom to see
The boy she raised now feels depressed
She would blame it on herself
Don't wanna see her doing that
Standing at the station waiting on my train to go to school
My buddy tells me it's delayed, "somebody jumped oh what a fool"
"That man is selfish, traumatizing witnesses that shit cruel"
But all I think about how he did what I shoulda do
But I couldn't do
And now I'm stuck inside this life without a single clue
Without a Purpose or a talent to help me get through
Failed you so much little brother, Not the man that you should wanna be or look up to
[ Chorus: KIM ]
To find yourself
You must lose yourself
My life has just begun
Tried to pull me through this hell
What more could I have done?
Little bright spots where I'm looking for to be happy again
So I'll spread my wings and fly, ooh fly
[ verse 2: Oscar Bunnik ]
Yess I'm a mess but I refuse to take drugs
A xanny makes me crawl
But it cannot take me up
Cause I know I'll be an addict, even from a single pop
If I feel happiness one time, I can never get enough
So I never get a rest, I can never take a break
I feel worthless all the time, all my happiness is fake
I'm waiting for a sign, feel like Hachi as of late
Keep me sane with a rhyme, that's the way I meditate
I don't ever wanna sleep, cause I hate pretty dreams
Just let me live in misery, don't show me what can't be
I am out of touch with everything that I esteem
All my friends have been sleeping with satan it seems
And I'm paranoid as fuck, feel like everybody's out here to get me
Don't tell me that I got a million reasons to be happy
I know that Damn well, but my mind doesn't make any sense
And that's exactly the problem nobody comprehends
Stuck between not wanting to live and having fear of the dark
Feel like the faker the problems, the bigger the bark
The broken suffer in silence, they put a seal on their heart
I'm doing better found guidance that's why I share in my art
Just the way I feel, hope you cannot relate
Beauty in the struggle So I know there will be better days
Know the pain of life always lingers in your mind
I can fake I got the answers but to this there is just no advice
There were times, I was conviced that god did not exist
Which maybe saved my life so I just see that as a gift
Now take the shackles of my wings so I can finally fly
But won't leave anything behind, I keep with the past on my side
Know It's hard to survive in the night when your senses don't make sense and lost the spark in your eyes
And Every hill feels like mountain when you feel so small in size
So prepare for battle cause you must be willing to fight
But you can do it
[ Chorus: KIM ]
To find yourself
You must lose yourself
My life has just begun
Tried to pull me through this hell
What more could I have done?
Little bright spots where I'm looking for to be happy again
So I'll spread my wings and fly, ooh fly
Woke up, had dream that I died. And It was beautiful
Got 2 messages in group chats none personal, as usual
Stupid me to think somebody cares bout what I did
Why am I so dellusional to believe somebody gives a shit
This won't be any bars, just to get this of my fuckin chest
I feel like a faillure everytime that I am not the best
Leave me alone, but I need you cause I am fuckin stressed
I don't know wheter I'm depressed or I'm just going mad
Go take a shower, Pass the mirror. I just turn away
I don't likе the look faillure
I don't wanna see the pain
I don't wanna see all of thе shame that floats around my name
I don't wanna see this fucking face, that I fucking hate
Go downstairs, fake a smile for my mother
I never had a smile for myself. Only laughed for others
Don't want my mom to see
The boy she raised now feels depressed
She would blame it on herself
Don't wanna see her doing that
Standing at the station waiting on my train to go to school
My buddy tells me it's delayed, "somebody jumped oh what a fool"
"That man is selfish, traumatizing witnesses that shit cruel"
But all I think about how he did what I shoulda do
But I couldn't do
And now I'm stuck inside this life without a single clue
Without a Purpose or a talent to help me get through
Failed you so much little brother, Not the man that you should wanna be or look up to
[ Chorus: KIM ]
To find yourself
You must lose yourself
My life has just begun
Tried to pull me through this hell
What more could I have done?
Little bright spots where I'm looking for to be happy again
So I'll spread my wings and fly, ooh fly
[ verse 2: Oscar Bunnik ]
Yess I'm a mess but I refuse to take drugs
A xanny makes me crawl
But it cannot take me up
Cause I know I'll be an addict, even from a single pop
If I feel happiness one time, I can never get enough
So I never get a rest, I can never take a break
I feel worthless all the time, all my happiness is fake
I'm waiting for a sign, feel like Hachi as of late
Keep me sane with a rhyme, that's the way I meditate
I don't ever wanna sleep, cause I hate pretty dreams
Just let me live in misery, don't show me what can't be
I am out of touch with everything that I esteem
All my friends have been sleeping with satan it seems
And I'm paranoid as fuck, feel like everybody's out here to get me
Don't tell me that I got a million reasons to be happy
I know that Damn well, but my mind doesn't make any sense
And that's exactly the problem nobody comprehends
Stuck between not wanting to live and having fear of the dark
Feel like the faker the problems, the bigger the bark
The broken suffer in silence, they put a seal on their heart
I'm doing better found guidance that's why I share in my art
Just the way I feel, hope you cannot relate
Beauty in the struggle So I know there will be better days
Know the pain of life always lingers in your mind
I can fake I got the answers but to this there is just no advice
There were times, I was conviced that god did not exist
Which maybe saved my life so I just see that as a gift
Now take the shackles of my wings so I can finally fly
But won't leave anything behind, I keep with the past on my side
Know It's hard to survive in the night when your senses don't make sense and lost the spark in your eyes
And Every hill feels like mountain when you feel so small in size
So prepare for battle cause you must be willing to fight
But you can do it
[ Chorus: KIM ]
To find yourself
You must lose yourself
My life has just begun
Tried to pull me through this hell
What more could I have done?
Little bright spots where I'm looking for to be happy again
So I'll spread my wings and fly, ooh fly
( Oscar Bunnik )
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