Song: Syncope
Artist:  Ged Howarth
Year: 2020
Viewed: 46 - Published at: a year ago

My mouth tastes like the nosebleed I had yesterday when I thought about how much it hurt to watch you walk away
So I pinched my nose and cleaned up the stains when I noticed that nosebleeds taste like pain
I'm kinna terrified of silence so I'll smoke in my room to distract from the blood I'll make the fire alarm play a fucking tune
But it just regurgitates the past because I've noticed that this fire alarm sounds like my heart being smashed
I've fallen out of love with bеing awake enough to evеn think
So tie me to the bathroom sink
Inject me with 32 winks
I'll save 7 for this week so one eye can keep a look out and
1 for if I see you when I pass the fuck out
Seeking the feeling of sleeping and dreaming about my beating heart
Bleeding on your speakers and sheets and seeping through your ceiling
Screaming 'I'll break you like you've broken me'
Over and over and over and...

Ohh shit
Hi
I'm glad I saved that wink
I'll deploy it to hide the stains of sobriety's black ink so now
I'm handing you a cigarette
Surprised you haven't figured yet there's tears behind my eyelids so I'm trying not to blink
Your skin laspes in my mind as my pupils dilate
Thinking back to all the times I've felt like I should wait
To mention all the things that I've wanted to say
Cause if i say them I'll expose that deep inside I'm on the brink
Maybe that's my deepest fear
Too many conversations rehearsed, immersed in aspersing words as an aversion to dispersion of hurt to serve my surging thirst for her numbness
Verging on the point of if you
Watched me curl up underneath the black wing of death
I wouldn't know what to tell you with my last breath
And now my mind is just a spirit
I'm out it cause you're in it
So feel free to haunt it every minute, I'm finished
I'm sick of hurdles obscuring view of a better me
I'm sick of pole vaulting fractures just for therapy
In memory of the agony of falling back
There's two ways to go it's time to choose field or track
Which means contracting the contractual tracker on my mind track
Traction only works if you're on the track at first
And I don't wanna backtrack which is why I write these tracks
To train myself to stay on the rails
And if that fails I'll just have to hold my breath while I witness the death of our rose
Gold was all I dug for ever since I was a minor
Major things in mind but never mind
It all caught fire
When I turned old enough to buy a lighter
I smoke away the memory of being left to rot in the dirt like I was nothing and the picture of my blood in your hands
The smoke lies but at least it helps me get some sleep
So for now I'll shut my eyes
I open them to a warm glow
I squint while my eyes adjust to the light burning through a broken window
And you're laying on the bed on your back in just my tshirt
And fuck you look so good
I get closer and your nose is bleeding too
I go to offer you an already red tissue
Then a comedown grabs reality's hand and tells me that I miss you
Fuck I miss you
I wanna fill my cup but I'm so drunk, so drunk
I wanna sober up but I've no luck, no luck
So I'll ignite my skin on the sofa, sofa
And hope that we're not over, over
And I hope I'll be alright coz I got nothing left
Now the noose is getting tight coz I love you to death
When I'm out you're a weight on my shoulders guess that means you're ahead
I conserve my labour just so I don't leave the party red
Just roaming round the block I'm in a dark age
Easy to get rocked I'm in a hard place
You always wear a mask just for saving face
I hope you were short on money when you said you needed change

I wanna fill my cup but I'm so drunk, so drunk
I wanna sober up but I've no luck, no luck
So I'll ignite my skin on the sofa, sofa
And hope that we're not over, over
I wanna fill my cup but I'm so fucked, so fucked
I wanna sober up but I've no luck, no luck
So I'll ignite my skin and hope that we're not done
Never tell me why but I've recaptured all my thirst to think
So cut me from the bathroom sink
And give me back my 40 winks
I wanna save my life so I can use it to get back at you
To make you feel like this there's nothing that I won't do
You kinna miss the pain when you're immune to other feelings
So I'll smoke inside my room until my nose returns to bleeding
Because the fire alarm sounds like your smile as you pushed me out the door
And my nosebleed tastes like the way you whispered 'I dont think I love you any more'

( Ged Howarth )
www.ChordsAZ.com

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