The leeks had had it and the onions, too All the zucchini in the world was through The baby carrots and the beans and peas And all the avocados in the trees said: "Rhizomes, rise up! Tubers unite! Legumes get a leg up And fight, fight, fight!" And all the vegetables began to march Every cruciferous and every starch The Vegetáles had their salad...Learn More

We want to rule the world We want to make you eat mayonnaise in your sleep We want control of your t.v.'s We want to make you wear the same underwear for a week We're not your average human beings, no We're Afgabladdesnabbits from the planet Queep We want to rule the world We want to weave your children into a giant quilt We would use it at...Learn More

CHORUS: Mrs. Fenway, me oh my Why'd you have to go and die? Now we have to say goodbye to Mrs. Fenway, Mrs. Fenway The first Mrs. Fenway went to the store Said she'd be back at three or four Got her head caught in the sliding door Now she's not Mrs. Fenway no more CHORUS The second Mrs. Fenway stub her toe At the moving picture show She stumble...Learn More

The Golden Goldfish Shooting goldfish from her hand The Golden Goldfish Fighting e-mail spam With her crime fighting friends: The Deceiver, The Bear, and The Banzai Bird The Golden Goldfish Always has the final word...Learn More

"Hey, what do you make of this?" "Huh." "It says, "Serving size - one container, Serving's per container - two." "So... each container must have two containers in it." "But, wouldn't that be four servings?" "...You tell me, you're the one who made onion flavored yogurt." "...Jeez, I hope it's not four servings..."...Learn More

Strange Mr. Gregor in apartment thirteen He can't keep his mind on his work It seems that his brain took his arms and his legs And is wandering down to the store Strange Mr. Gregor likes his brain too much for his own good So he takes a backseat to his cerebral cortex And that's where he stays put Aha! "Strange Mr. Gregor, he thinks too...Learn More

Just yesterday, he came to my house I asked him his name and he opened his mouth and said "I don't have a name, my name I forgot Whatever you call me, my name it is not." The man with no name, he gave me his card: A blank scrap he found out in my front yard He said: "I don't have a name, my name I forgot Whatever you call me, my name it is...Learn More

Farkle! Since 1942 And Before Farkle Has Been An International Insitution Known World Wide for it's Indurance, Reliability, Celery Smell, And Freshness In The Face Of Adversity, Mold, Concrete, [?], Ready-Made Pie Crust, Tackle Box, And Producing Swelling In Children Ages 14 to 86 Farkle Was History In The Making! Why, Even Farkle's Late Creator,...Learn More

“Thanks, thank you, thank you, no seriously, oh thank you, thank you very much, very much, thank you…” “Alright now i'd like to do another song for ya, this is one that came up back in ‘48, uhh I wrote it with my cousin Bernie and uhh it goes somethin’ like this.” “3, 4…” You say you don't really love me… [Laughter, Applause] You say, you don't...Learn More

[Spooky Sounds] [Dial-up noise] “Help me…” “If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again.” “Hang up, and then dial your operator.” “Help me, please…” [Dial-up noise] “Somebody help me…” “Bobby??” [More spooky sounds]...Learn More

Whatever Lemmings will do, we'll do We certainly shall endeavor Whatever Lemmings will do, we'll do And lemmings will do whatever Lemmings will follow their friends to the ocean And jump off a cliff to their deaths, no question Whatever lemmings will do, we'll do And lemmings will do whatever...Learn More

The Audubon Society was formed, not in 1883 But in 1886 by George Grinnell- He found it hard to justify the number of native birds who died To satisfy the hat-shop clientele He said Why do we shoot them from the sky When they're only passing by Why not count the birds instead They can’t sing if they are dead If they're stuffed and on your head Or...Learn More