The day broke over my face like a moist ass
Lucky for me, though, Arizona lines all its strip malls
With pipes that emit mist so I can stay cool
Because that works
Don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining
I mean, how awesome is it to sweat so much
You don't even have to buy water
All you really gotta do is take off your shirt
And wring your body weight out in your mouth
Then you're good for like, what, ten more steps
before the sun beats you down into so much melted tar?
Bad ass.
Hey, anybody got a curling iron I can rub up along my skin?
It's just that I'm not quite fucking hot enough here in Arizona.
Have you seen my new trick?
The one I can only do in Arizona
Where I take off my shoes on the sidewalk
And look like a candle being melted from the bottom up?
I'd do it for you now, but I can only do it once
And then I die
But, really, who among us doesn't like to feel like
We're living in a blowtorch?
Listen, if you're from Arizona, I'm not making fun of your home
I'm making fun of you
For gathering there
And building a community
In an oven
Smooth move.
Hey, does anyone got a lighter?
Oh, wait, nevermind, I'll use my forehead!
You know what would be really awesome?
Is if it could get any more uncomfortably fucking hot in here
Like, maybe we could all fart at once
Or wear a collective turtleneck.
I'm going to pretend I didn't see a dead dog
On the roadside today
Bubbling
And I'm going to pretend the road it was on
Wasn't bubbling as well
And the thermometer in my black car in the heat of mid-afternoon
Didn't actually say, "Goddammit!"
There's only one reason to live in Arizona
If it's if you're a reptile
Forgive me, I forget how cozy reptiles can be
You know, like cactus or sand
All the more reason to move to Arizona,
"A land of many choices."
Let's see, do I want to stay inside today
Or die?
I don't know, but I gotta go
The underside of my breast and balls
Just turned into a waterfall
And my sponge is broken.
Lucky for me, though, Arizona lines all its strip malls
With pipes that emit mist so I can stay cool
Because that works
Don't get me wrong, I ain't complaining
I mean, how awesome is it to sweat so much
You don't even have to buy water
All you really gotta do is take off your shirt
And wring your body weight out in your mouth
Then you're good for like, what, ten more steps
before the sun beats you down into so much melted tar?
Bad ass.
Hey, anybody got a curling iron I can rub up along my skin?
It's just that I'm not quite fucking hot enough here in Arizona.
Have you seen my new trick?
The one I can only do in Arizona
Where I take off my shoes on the sidewalk
And look like a candle being melted from the bottom up?
I'd do it for you now, but I can only do it once
And then I die
But, really, who among us doesn't like to feel like
We're living in a blowtorch?
Listen, if you're from Arizona, I'm not making fun of your home
I'm making fun of you
For gathering there
And building a community
In an oven
Smooth move.
Hey, does anyone got a lighter?
Oh, wait, nevermind, I'll use my forehead!
You know what would be really awesome?
Is if it could get any more uncomfortably fucking hot in here
Like, maybe we could all fart at once
Or wear a collective turtleneck.
I'm going to pretend I didn't see a dead dog
On the roadside today
Bubbling
And I'm going to pretend the road it was on
Wasn't bubbling as well
And the thermometer in my black car in the heat of mid-afternoon
Didn't actually say, "Goddammit!"
There's only one reason to live in Arizona
If it's if you're a reptile
Forgive me, I forget how cozy reptiles can be
You know, like cactus or sand
All the more reason to move to Arizona,
"A land of many choices."
Let's see, do I want to stay inside today
Or die?
I don't know, but I gotta go
The underside of my breast and balls
Just turned into a waterfall
And my sponge is broken.
( Buddy Wakefield )
www.ChordsAZ.com