[Lyric] Be Our Bachelor (CollegeHumor)

Be our guest
Be our guest
Eating solo is the best
Use the napkin you still have, cherie
From ordering Chinese

I am old
I am older
You use me as a potholder

Try the grey stuff, it's delicious
Don't believe us?
Ask the dishes!

Fuck Off!

We can break
Paper plates
Saving time to masturbate
You bought me because you wanted to lose weight
Seriously bro, the fat just slides right off
Pull up a chair or beanbag
On your lap, a jizz rag
Be our guest
Be our guest
Be our guest

By yourself, all alone
It is hard to cook for one
Try some hot sauce and some mayonnaise
On a stale hamburger bun

Please you me liberally
I count as both fruit and veggie

Everything tastes oh so yum
With no taste buds on your tongue

I tell jokes, I turn tricks
I save all those asshole sticks

I smell 'cause I haven't been changed in a whole year

Don't try to cook me, fella
It's just salmonella

Be our guest
You're a mess!
You haven't even gotten dressed
Be our guest
Be our guest
Be our guest

Life is so unnerving
When your constantly converting
Your recipes and meals
To feed a single serving

Oh, the good ol' days when we were useful

I think you left your spoon in and it's metal

You bought us for pasta sauce
Now we're all covered in dust

You put me on everything
Even food that's not Asian

Even though I'm a month old

You can pick around my mold

I'm still good after my expiration date
Or so your told
Save our grease from last week
Uncooked hotdogs, what a treat!
Cereal for every single meal

We've got a lot to do
Is it one plate or two
Just kidding!

You're horrible and a mess
But still
Be our guest