I hear your stories
The ones i’ve heard all my life
In my dreams and distant memory
Presently and forevermore until time wears away the traces of their existence
Of Pol Pot's army and the Khmer Rouge regime
Vietnam 1975
The coma you fell in when they forced tainted water to flow through your veins
The deaths of your siblings and mothers and fathers and husbands
Of people I havе never known
Of peoplе you can ever shake the memory of, no matter how hard you try
You had it all
The riches, the class, the stability
A headmaster of an academy in China and seven different houses
Money was dispensable until a shameful bowl of porridge was granted for a gold bar
Paper-dolls and playing with bugs
Sun spots, browned skins, not a pinch of fat anywhere
You worked the fields and swallowed
Refugee camps and straw roofs and mud walls
As hope slipped away, religion took firm grasp
Buddhist temples, incense, offerings and prayer
A young girl, now my aunt of middle age, taken from her home
A young girl who would walk each night through fields of corpses to sleep in the same bed as her mother at night
Just to return to where she was taken in the mornings
A boy, my late uncle, who would take care of his two year old sister, my mother, as they tried to make it through the day
Fried fish bones for dinner if they could be so lucky
The boy who did not make it past twelve
But, joy
My great aunt, charming and beautiful, has bewitched the soldiers
For my mother’s side of the family a new life in rainy Vancouver is just a plane ride away
As for my father,
I suppose there is a price to pay being male during war
His family torn apart
Father and son separated from mother and sister
Reunion never promised and never known
As they set sea to Malaysia
The nauseating side to side rocking
People packed under the deck
Humidity, blistering skin and disease
Beware of pirates and tired people
The Island shepherded solace
It may have been a lovely setting for a young boy to discover the world
if the circumstances had been different
Low tide brought jellies and crabs and sea urchins
Transparent and illuminating
Vibrant coral reefs playing peek-a-boo under the foaming turquoise waters
Huddled around an old block television, Nightmare on Elm Street plays
Static and cutting through the lulling hum of evening bugs
Your first taste of the west
I’ll begin to describe a time where I exist
A time when I’m a teenager
freedom, instant gratification, self exploration and the luxury of down-time
Sweet music lofting out my bedroom window
A provider of golden brilliance as the sun sets and a gateway to the outside
Oil paints and stretched linen canvas
Crystal jars of linseed oil
And amber light through the liquid
Electric guitars and piano keys
Everything in abundance and one click away
I am forever grateful
I cherish our dinners of worship
Of Chinese gods and ancestors
Bai Sun
My hands pressed together in prayer as I watch the milky incense smoke float towards the moon
The pale green jade buddha around my neck pendulous from a gold chain
Wisdom gathered from tranquility
Protecting me from harm and a convoy of harmony
Pristine temples, gold gongs and holy rice, though we haven’t been in some time
Bitter ginseng and ancient herbs and red ribbons to hold it all together
Perpetual underpin of friendship and family
Red lipstick on parchments letters
Futile relationships and summer love
Tranquil felicity as I trace my finger along your open palm
Sitting on a park bench and laughing under your breath
A barrier of broken languages
Lost through time and travel
My insubstantial comprehension of cantonese disconnects me from my grandparents
You taught me the emphasis of family
Above all else, above the individual
Collectivist culture
A sacrifice of personal experience to create a society of familial support
I’m afraid I’m unlike you
My individual needs are persuasive and I apologize
A culture that has been mattered
But not yet lost
I’ll never understand
but i want to
I will put you on a pedestal and never really know you
never truly see or grasp because you’re too good for that and far away
I think you must be strong
and full of heart
your face and your timely wisdom i see
and a small silver picture frame
with a life of yours and our family
That seem fruitful of experience
And deign to give you just what was needed
To give you life as it had to be lived
To explore and learn and grow with the world
I plan to live in your image
an image I can never truly know
The ones i’ve heard all my life
In my dreams and distant memory
Presently and forevermore until time wears away the traces of their existence
Of Pol Pot's army and the Khmer Rouge regime
Vietnam 1975
The coma you fell in when they forced tainted water to flow through your veins
The deaths of your siblings and mothers and fathers and husbands
Of people I havе never known
Of peoplе you can ever shake the memory of, no matter how hard you try
You had it all
The riches, the class, the stability
A headmaster of an academy in China and seven different houses
Money was dispensable until a shameful bowl of porridge was granted for a gold bar
Paper-dolls and playing with bugs
Sun spots, browned skins, not a pinch of fat anywhere
You worked the fields and swallowed
Refugee camps and straw roofs and mud walls
As hope slipped away, religion took firm grasp
Buddhist temples, incense, offerings and prayer
A young girl, now my aunt of middle age, taken from her home
A young girl who would walk each night through fields of corpses to sleep in the same bed as her mother at night
Just to return to where she was taken in the mornings
A boy, my late uncle, who would take care of his two year old sister, my mother, as they tried to make it through the day
Fried fish bones for dinner if they could be so lucky
The boy who did not make it past twelve
But, joy
My great aunt, charming and beautiful, has bewitched the soldiers
For my mother’s side of the family a new life in rainy Vancouver is just a plane ride away
As for my father,
I suppose there is a price to pay being male during war
His family torn apart
Father and son separated from mother and sister
Reunion never promised and never known
As they set sea to Malaysia
The nauseating side to side rocking
People packed under the deck
Humidity, blistering skin and disease
Beware of pirates and tired people
The Island shepherded solace
It may have been a lovely setting for a young boy to discover the world
if the circumstances had been different
Low tide brought jellies and crabs and sea urchins
Transparent and illuminating
Vibrant coral reefs playing peek-a-boo under the foaming turquoise waters
Huddled around an old block television, Nightmare on Elm Street plays
Static and cutting through the lulling hum of evening bugs
Your first taste of the west
I’ll begin to describe a time where I exist
A time when I’m a teenager
freedom, instant gratification, self exploration and the luxury of down-time
Sweet music lofting out my bedroom window
A provider of golden brilliance as the sun sets and a gateway to the outside
Oil paints and stretched linen canvas
Crystal jars of linseed oil
And amber light through the liquid
Electric guitars and piano keys
Everything in abundance and one click away
I am forever grateful
I cherish our dinners of worship
Of Chinese gods and ancestors
Bai Sun
My hands pressed together in prayer as I watch the milky incense smoke float towards the moon
The pale green jade buddha around my neck pendulous from a gold chain
Wisdom gathered from tranquility
Protecting me from harm and a convoy of harmony
Pristine temples, gold gongs and holy rice, though we haven’t been in some time
Bitter ginseng and ancient herbs and red ribbons to hold it all together
Perpetual underpin of friendship and family
Red lipstick on parchments letters
Futile relationships and summer love
Tranquil felicity as I trace my finger along your open palm
Sitting on a park bench and laughing under your breath
A barrier of broken languages
Lost through time and travel
My insubstantial comprehension of cantonese disconnects me from my grandparents
You taught me the emphasis of family
Above all else, above the individual
Collectivist culture
A sacrifice of personal experience to create a society of familial support
I’m afraid I’m unlike you
My individual needs are persuasive and I apologize
A culture that has been mattered
But not yet lost
I’ll never understand
but i want to
I will put you on a pedestal and never really know you
never truly see or grasp because you’re too good for that and far away
I think you must be strong
and full of heart
your face and your timely wisdom i see
and a small silver picture frame
with a life of yours and our family
That seem fruitful of experience
And deign to give you just what was needed
To give you life as it had to be lived
To explore and learn and grow with the world
I plan to live in your image
an image I can never truly know
( Christine Dang )
www.ChordsAZ.com