[Lyric] Emily (Caleb Kitchen)

[Intro]
Yeehaw!

Now, listen, Ty
You have a hard time finding love
And uh
You should be looking for girls like Emily
Oh, you don't know who Emily is?
Uh, let me fill you in

[Verse]
Emily's the perfect Southern belle
For any of you American mans
She knows how to barbecue well
And she really hates them Afghans (damn right)

She takes fat dumps, not just logs
She can fill your road's potholes (hell yeah)
And she can neuter the nuts off your dog (sure can)
With the same set of teeth she uses to open your bottles
She's an American princess
One of a kind
Her ass is so fat
You could camp in her behind
'Cause she's five hundred pounds
And her lips taste like jerkey
You don't gotta worry 'bout her nagging
'Cause she won't live past thirty

She loves shooting guns
Especially at the IRS
Screaming fuck fed boys
Before screaming God bless (God bless)

She has a history of incest
She's easily impressed
She thinks chivalry
Is buying her a chicken breast

[Transition]
Find a girl like Emily
And make the woman family, Ty
I mean that's how you find love, really
You got to find a girl like Emily

I know Emily ain't perfect
Y'know, nobody's perfect, Ty
But she really is the belle of the ball
[Ty]
Are you?
Are you fucking serious, dude?
That- that woman is fucking revolting
I wouldn't want anything to do with her
Like not in a million fucking years, dude
Blehh
You know?
Like blehh
Gross!
Fuckin' blehh
You know?

[Verse 2]
No, Ty
I don't think you know what you're talking about
You need to bring your standards down
She's practically the prettiest girl around

[Ty 2]
Yeah, maybe in ugly town
See? I can- I can uh
I can put on a little Southern slang
No, but seriously, Emily
Emily smells like fucking cheese
[Outro]
You know what?
I'm never inviting you to my house again!

Bitch