[VERSE 1]
I have scars on my hands;
They remind me
What life was like being a dishonest man
The harm you can bring
I deserve what this darkness brings
If August sings
I’ll forget the next few months and all the things
Ironic I am not Summer I’m the Fall of Kings
Thought I was Jupiter -- I’m the smaller rings
[VERSE 2]
Fuck my throne
Never been to Rome but I roam alone
Voices in my head are my Calvary
But physically I rode alone (uh huh)
(but) It’s modern, I got a mobile phone
To alter my vocal tone
And avoid my subconscious
So I cope alone
I’m hopeful though, (That’s what I will tell you)
[VERSE 3]
But truth be told
My knees grow old
And although I am young I need to know
Why I mow this lawn of despair but the weeds still grow?
I tell you I don’t need you yo
I’m feeble though
And protect my secrets behind walls so tall
But I kinda wish they see-through walls
[Chorus]
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
[VERSE 4]
I believe in love
I didn’t once
But I fear being with a woman cause I feel bad if she falls in love with a man who sometimes doesn’t want to leave his house for months
Irrational thoughts over swarm
My brain and absorb like a sponge
I don’t have enough
Energy to meet you for lunch
Even though Id really like to see you a bunch
[VERSE 5]
It’s a paradox
You see this happiness
But I’m sad a lot
Unhappy voices tattle a lot
Like a snake with an amplified rattle -- no matter how hard I fought
That snaked adapted, constricted my movements and now I’m caught
And I ought to end it all
At least in a fucked up way it brings me the only happy thought
[VERSE 6]
Another happy thought is having no thoughts
This plane is crashing down and I won't report
It on a radio that only works for you
Or press the button to abort
[VERSE 7]
When I was a child
I built a fort
With a rag on a fork
Like a flag on a resort
How I felt so high and fell so short
Prisoner to my self rapport
[Chorus]
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel I’m the only one that’s drowning
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
[VERSE 8]
I think about my grave
I’d like to dig it myself with a spoon
I’d like to choose my music too
Put it on mute to reduce the tune
Bury me with no casket with silk draped around myself like a cocoon
With a seed to grow a tree
So my sins are attuned
Finally, perhaps I’ll be of some use
[VERSE 9]
Then I think:
I’ve been happy before
Why? can I be happy again?
I wrote this song and I reached out to friends
Shoutout to them
This song is near to the end
[VERSE 10]
But at least my life isn’t
I made the right decision
To my younger self: Fight within him
Despite collisions
Which will incite division
Focus on bright visions
Of you smiling with no balloon
[VERSE 11]
I'm always holding your hand, too
No folding in this game or allow it control over you
Despite this, younger self I miss you my dude
Thanks to you, I’m standing here too
Waiting for you
To prove you got too much to lose
You can’t even say I don’t understand
Because little man I’ve been in your shoes
[Chorus]
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
I have scars on my hands;
They remind me
What life was like being a dishonest man
The harm you can bring
I deserve what this darkness brings
If August sings
I’ll forget the next few months and all the things
Ironic I am not Summer I’m the Fall of Kings
Thought I was Jupiter -- I’m the smaller rings
[VERSE 2]
Fuck my throne
Never been to Rome but I roam alone
Voices in my head are my Calvary
But physically I rode alone (uh huh)
(but) It’s modern, I got a mobile phone
To alter my vocal tone
And avoid my subconscious
So I cope alone
I’m hopeful though, (That’s what I will tell you)
[VERSE 3]
But truth be told
My knees grow old
And although I am young I need to know
Why I mow this lawn of despair but the weeds still grow?
I tell you I don’t need you yo
I’m feeble though
And protect my secrets behind walls so tall
But I kinda wish they see-through walls
[Chorus]
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
[VERSE 4]
I believe in love
I didn’t once
But I fear being with a woman cause I feel bad if she falls in love with a man who sometimes doesn’t want to leave his house for months
Irrational thoughts over swarm
My brain and absorb like a sponge
I don’t have enough
Energy to meet you for lunch
Even though Id really like to see you a bunch
[VERSE 5]
It’s a paradox
You see this happiness
But I’m sad a lot
Unhappy voices tattle a lot
Like a snake with an amplified rattle -- no matter how hard I fought
That snaked adapted, constricted my movements and now I’m caught
And I ought to end it all
At least in a fucked up way it brings me the only happy thought
[VERSE 6]
Another happy thought is having no thoughts
This plane is crashing down and I won't report
It on a radio that only works for you
Or press the button to abort
[VERSE 7]
When I was a child
I built a fort
With a rag on a fork
Like a flag on a resort
How I felt so high and fell so short
Prisoner to my self rapport
[Chorus]
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel I’m the only one that’s drowning
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
[VERSE 8]
I think about my grave
I’d like to dig it myself with a spoon
I’d like to choose my music too
Put it on mute to reduce the tune
Bury me with no casket with silk draped around myself like a cocoon
With a seed to grow a tree
So my sins are attuned
Finally, perhaps I’ll be of some use
[VERSE 9]
Then I think:
I’ve been happy before
Why? can I be happy again?
I wrote this song and I reached out to friends
Shoutout to them
This song is near to the end
[VERSE 10]
But at least my life isn’t
I made the right decision
To my younger self: Fight within him
Despite collisions
Which will incite division
Focus on bright visions
Of you smiling with no balloon
[VERSE 11]
I'm always holding your hand, too
No folding in this game or allow it control over you
Despite this, younger self I miss you my dude
Thanks to you, I’m standing here too
Waiting for you
To prove you got too much to lose
You can’t even say I don’t understand
Because little man I’ve been in your shoes
[Chorus]
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
Got a past I’m not proud of
Society says it’s too emotional; I’m a man; not allowed to talk about it
Fuck anxiety and depression
I could be surrounded
By one hundred thousand
People and feel like I’m the only one that’s drowning
( Perswayable )
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