[Lyric] Scene 21: Larry The Dwarf Dialog Protection Reel (Frank Zappa & The Mothers)

Hello, there
When you go on tour with a musical group
It's possible that any town can seem like this
Whether it’s large or small or busy
Or if there's nothing happening in it

The reason for this is quite simple
A musician, if you consider the normal pattern of modern civilised life, is on the outside of it all
He doesn't build things
He doesn’t work regular hours like a decent God-fearing citizen
And the life he leads might, in many ways, seem useless and irrelevant
To those of us who prefer a quiet evening in front of the television and a bottle of beer

Amazing as it might seem to some of us
Musicians have basic physical needs, just like real people

Many of them study for years
Learning to play the violin, for instance
Only to be rewarded with a humdrum job
In the fourth row of a symphonic string section
That's why the government have constructed, at great expense
This Experimental Re-orientation Facility
To find a way, perhaps, to re-train these useless old musicians
With their brown fiddles and little horns
Give them a trade, a reason to exist in a modern world
A chance of a happier, more productive life

Some will enter the military, some will learn shorthand
And some will disappear in the middle of the night
On a special train they're sending in
It's the only way, really, to bring about the final solution
To the Orchestra Question

I'm sure that many of us realize that a pop group can earn a vast amount of money
Compared to these other kind of musicians

That's why the special Government Agencies for Mass Response Programming and Psychological Stultification
Prefer to treat them in a more subtle manner

They know, just as many of you vigilant and thoroughly upstanding citizens have discovered for yourselves
The power of pop music to corrupt and putrefy the minds of world youth are virtually limitless