[Lyric] The Emperors New Clothes (Neil Patrick Harris)

[NARRATOR]
Many, many years ago, there lived an emperor
Who didn't care at all about his army of soldiers
With their fine, big guns and splendid uniforms
Nor did he have any love for his enormous, white, marble palace
Or anything in it
The only thing he loved in the whole, wide, wonderful world
Was clothes
He was, indeed, a man of ten thousand suits
Each more splendid than the next
Now, it happened one day
That a pair of swindlers came to his royal city
They had heard of the emperor's lovе for clothes
And very clevеrly, they let it be known
That they had a secret formula for weaving the most wonderful cloth in the world
Now, when this report reached the emperor's ears, he had the two men brought before him immediately.

[EMPEROR, NARRATOR]
"What is so wonderful about the cloth you weave?" He asked.

[ELDER SWINDLER, NARRATOR]
"Well sir, it's, your majesty..."
said the elder of the two swindlers.
"The cloth we weave can only be seen by those who are honest and who are fitted for their positions in life.
It is invisible to thieves and incompetents!
[EMPEROR, NARRATOR]
"Oh," said the emperor, to himself. "This would be a useful thing for an emperor to know."
And aloud, he said: "Let this cloth be made!"

[NARRATOR]
They demanded an enormous pile of precious silks and thread of gold before they could start on their work. Very quickly, the two swindlers set up a loom in their chambers at the inn. And then they started to weave, but not with the precious materials the emperor had provided, oh no. These, they stowed away in their knapsacks. What they did was to go through the motions of weaving without using any thread or materials at all.

After a week had gone by, the emperor became impatient, and down to the inn he went, with his entire court to see this marvelous material. The emperor, in all his majesty, looked. He stared. Then, he cleared his throat. And then, he started to talk.

[EMPEROR]
Well, I, um, hmm...

[NARRATOR]
Well, he finally got hold of himself, because he was afraid he was giving away the fact that he could not see the cloth, and therefore wasn't fit to be emperor anymore.

[EMPEROR, NARRATOR]
"It far exceeds my expectations." He finally declared. "I would like it very much if you were, to uh, make me a complete costume of this uh, remarkable material."

[NARRATOR]
In due time, the two swindlers appeared at the palace, bearing the invisible articles of clothing over their arms.

[ELDER SWINDLER, NARRATOR]
"If your majesty is ready," said the elder of the two swindlers. "We would like to try your new suit on."

[NARRATOR]
Accordingly, the emperor undressed down to his.. shh.. he undressed down to his pink underwear. Oh, it's true, the emperor wore pink underwear. All kings did. And the two fakers went through the motions of putting on first his pants, then his waistcoat, and then his coat. And finally, a large cape, with a magnificent long train. It all fit him just perfectly, at least, so said his majesty. The emperor then went forth into the street, to show himself to his subjects. By then they too had heard that dishonest folks and those unfitted for their posts would not be able to see the magic material. So they all cheered, and oohed, and ahhed. Then, loud and clear, over the sound of the populous cheering, there came the voice of a small child:
[CHILD, NARRATOR]
Why, he, he has nothing on!
No, nothing at all!

[NARRATOR]
There was a sudden hush.

[PERSON IN CROWD, NARRATOR]
"A child says he has nothing on!" shouted someone.

[NARRATOR]
And soon, the cry was picked up by all who were present in the street. The emperor blushed. He knew now that it was true, but he held himself stiffer than ever, and kept on marching. Marching, marching, marching in his underwear.