My friends! Welcome! To the Temple of Randicus! Yes! Yes! Hello! Thank you so much for coming! Ooohh! You guys are fantastic already, you loose units! This is awesome, everybody's welcome here in the Temple of Randicus! Your gender identity, sexual preference, political beliefs, fetishes and phobias are none of our fucking business!
None of the normal rules apply here in the Temple of Randicus, do whatever the fuck you want! Leave your phones on, we don't care! Take calls! Make calls! Fuckin' come up here and make calls! Come up here and make calls with your wireless earbuds in like an arsehole. We don't give a shit!
Take photos, if you want, I don't care, use the flash! We don't give a fu- I mean, what are you gonna do with those photos? Show them to your grandchildren? 'Ah, look, this is when I went to see Randy!'
'What the fuck... is a Randy? Your memories are worthless, Grandma. We had a meeting. You're out of the family.'
Who's having a drink tonight? [audience cheers] We, uh, thoroughly condone that behaviour here in the Temple of Randicus. If you're having a drink that's fantastic, if you're on drugs, even better! Apparently, I'm very entertaining if you're high, there's a lot of colour and movement. It's like a live cartoon - boing-oing-oing-oing - so just get amongst that.
Aw! My gosh, I've been busy since last I was here, there's been a lot going on since last time I got here, been very busy... um, I invented a new religion, because... fuckin'... why not?
I've been travelling around the place sharing the good word of Randicus, met some wonderful people.
I've also mastered the art of making oatmeal in a motel room coffee percolator, which is... that's a pre-apocalyptic life skill no man should have, but, um...
I tell you what, there's nothing more inspiring than looking across a car park to a busy motorway, whilst scraping glutenous oats off the bottom of a calcified electrical appliance from the mid 1990's, just -
'Ooooh! Munumnumnum! Oooheee! Umnumnumnumnum! Mmm, it tastes a little bit like what have I done with my life?' It's delicious!
None of the normal rules apply here in the Temple of Randicus, do whatever the fuck you want! Leave your phones on, we don't care! Take calls! Make calls! Fuckin' come up here and make calls! Come up here and make calls with your wireless earbuds in like an arsehole. We don't give a shit!
Take photos, if you want, I don't care, use the flash! We don't give a fu- I mean, what are you gonna do with those photos? Show them to your grandchildren? 'Ah, look, this is when I went to see Randy!'
'What the fuck... is a Randy? Your memories are worthless, Grandma. We had a meeting. You're out of the family.'
Who's having a drink tonight? [audience cheers] We, uh, thoroughly condone that behaviour here in the Temple of Randicus. If you're having a drink that's fantastic, if you're on drugs, even better! Apparently, I'm very entertaining if you're high, there's a lot of colour and movement. It's like a live cartoon - boing-oing-oing-oing - so just get amongst that.
Aw! My gosh, I've been busy since last I was here, there's been a lot going on since last time I got here, been very busy... um, I invented a new religion, because... fuckin'... why not?
I've been travelling around the place sharing the good word of Randicus, met some wonderful people.
I've also mastered the art of making oatmeal in a motel room coffee percolator, which is... that's a pre-apocalyptic life skill no man should have, but, um...
I tell you what, there's nothing more inspiring than looking across a car park to a busy motorway, whilst scraping glutenous oats off the bottom of a calcified electrical appliance from the mid 1990's, just -
'Ooooh! Munumnumnum! Oooheee! Umnumnumnumnum! Mmm, it tastes a little bit like what have I done with my life?' It's delicious!
( Randy Feltface )
www.ChordsAZ.com