[Spoken intro] Well I don't know if you read about this But the law of gravity expires soon And Congress is working overtime on new gravity legislation That says you can stay on the Earth, that's okay But if you haven't found a job after two years Pfft, you float away Anyway, here's a song about a lot of other stories in today's newspaper that you...Learn More

Duma, duma, duma, duma [Spoken] This is the story of Vladimir Zhirinovsky An unlikely folk hero, perhaps He's being called the Hitler of Russia He's a right-wing extremist, ultranationalist Power-hungry blowhard He's Russian Limbaugh [Verse 1] My mother she's Russian My veins are full of borscht But for the sake of this discussion My parents are...Learn More

[Verse 1] Little Pedro and Juanita arrived this morning in Reseda On a special overnight delivery (Baby cries) They bubbled and they burbled And they flashed their brown eyes at us We said "check their little heartbeats And their immigration status" And if you should find that they're here illegally ...gally ...gally ...gally [Chorus] Send 'em...Learn More

I saw a blinding flash of light So I pulled over to the first church on the right And I feel so good, ain't no doubt Wanna laugh and shout about it 'Cause I once was a liberal But I ain't no liberal no more I saw a bum on the curb today Well, I hit the gas and covered him with gutter spray And I feel so good, ain't no doubt Wanna laugh and shout...Learn More

Ready or not (Ready or not) Here he comes Who's standing over in the corner on his head? Right where his president deserted him for dead? Who is the martyr who sports a purple heart or two It's Ollie Ollie off scott free And who is the ham they coulda never get to squeal? Who is the banana overturned upon appeal? Who's that a-sloshing across the...Learn More

[Verse 1] When the call of the dove can be heard across the land You'll be there You'll be there When the day of deliverance is finally at hand You'll be there You'll be there [Chorus 1] When the bells of tyranny ring their last And the long dark night of oppression has passed And the foghorn of freedom has blown its big blast You'll be...Learn More

[Verse 1] Well, come on everybody, get into the spin Now that he’s been in for however long it’s been Grin a good ol’ grin, tuck in your second chin And everybody do the Clinton Come on and slide over to the middle (over to the middle) Straighten up and step light (up and step light) Lean it to the left a little (to the left a little) Now lean a...Learn More

[Verse 1] She's a real type A And she's overinsured Her favorite castaway Is Thurston Howell III She doesn't like big government So it's no surprise I can be her lover Long as I downsize [Chorus] My conservative girlfriend Got a tiny little heart full of passion My conservative girlfriend Every Friday we go liberal bashin' [Verse 2] She got the...Learn More

[Spoken intro] On November 9, 1994 The morning after the election I returned to my polling place to find the mangled remains of the American liberal, buried under a conservative landslide Male or female or black or white, I couldn't tell But I knew it was a liberal because the heart was still on the sleeve and the knees were still jerking Now the...Learn More

I'm a rovin' boy Ain't got no money Ain't got no job No health insurance And the twinkling stars Are my only family Don't pity me Don't pity me Well I lost ten years To a thirsty bottle And I lost my wife When I lost my job And I lost three toes To a case of frostbite Don't pity me Don't pity me [Spoken] Well I lost my hearing Sleeping in a...Learn More

[Chorus] You can’t come in I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in I hear you knocking, but you can’t come in ‘cause I’m firing the Surgeon General [Verse 1] I used the flog the dolphin Used to choke the chicken Used to spank the monkey Used to fool with the tool I used to whip the bishop Used to wax the weasel But now I’ve learned one they...Learn More

[Verse 1] We used to take a nonviolent stance In Nehru jackets and bell-bottom pants We even used to say "Give peace a chance" God, we must have been joking We used to slander the words of our prez And praise whatever the Tao Te Ching says We used to want to sing like Joan Baez Jesus, what were we smoking? Now when someone says "Hell no, we won't...Learn More