Song: Norm Recites ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas
Viewed: 9 - Published at: a year ago
Artist: Cast of M.W.C.A - Virtual
Year: 2021Viewed: 9 - Published at: a year ago
[NORM, spoken]
Hi, I'm Norm.
T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
[DOOF, spoken]
Norm, you know this intercom goes to the whole building, right?
[NORM, spoken]
Yes, sir!
[DOOF, spoken]
What is this, anyway? ‘The Night Before Christmas’? Great, another public domain holiday cliché to fill the album’s run time.
[NORM, spoken]
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
[DOOF, spoken]
Sugar plums... What is a sugar plum, anyway? Is that one of those genetically engineered fruits? Like a… a GMO, or an NFT, or whatever they call it.
[NORM, spoken]
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
[DOOF, spoken]
An ‘eye’ in your cap? Like a human eye? Now that’s evil!
[NORM, spoken]
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
[DOOF, spoken]
Yawns
I’ll take a nap over a cardio test.
[NORM, spoken]
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
[DOOF, spoken]
Threw up? Okay, first of all, gross. I can do with the human eye, but keep the bodily function out of this. Secondly, you don’t have a digestive system, you’re a robot!
[NORM, spoken]
Precisely, sir!
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
[DOOF, spoken]
Oh! Oh! I know who you’re describing. That’s gotta be Der Kinderlumper.
[NORM, spoken]
‘Der Kinderlumper’?
[DOOF, spoken]
Yeah, you know, the mythical monster from Drusselstein who ate tiny reindeer. Apparently he ate naughty children too. Absolutely terrifying.
[NORM, spoken]
Sounds holly and jolly!
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
[DOOF, spoken]
I’m getting the sense this is not about Der Kinderlumper. He's more undead and rotting
[NORM, spoken]
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!
[DOOF, spoken]
Donner? I hardly know her.
[NORM, spoken]
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
[DOOF, spoken]
Ahhhhh, you get it!
[NORM, spoken]
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St Nicholas too.
[DOOF, spoken]
He should try using a Galactic Travel-inator. It’s a lot faster, plus, you know, PETA won’t be mad about the whole reindeer thing.
[NORM, spoken]
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
[DOOF, spoken]
So, wait, you saw Santa take off, and then immediately heard Santa landing on the roof? Where was he flying from? The garage?
[NORM, spoken]
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
[DOOF, spoken]
Sounds like that anime convention the next building over.
[NORM, spoken]
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
[DOOF, spoken]
Yep, just like the anime convention.
[NORM, spoken]
Kamehameha!
I heard that from one of them!
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
[DOOF, spoken]
What is a ‘peddler’? Norm, define ‘peddler’.
[NORM, spoken]
Peddler: a person who sells illegal drugs or stolen goods.
[DOOF, spoken]
Oh my-- are we allowed to say that?!
[NORM, spoken]
Just as long as we don’t tell the DEA.
[DOOF, spoken]
The Disney Ethics Agency? Yeah, my lips are sealed.
[NORM, spoken]
His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
[DOOF, spoken]
Just like Grandma Gertrude.
[NORM, spoken]
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
[DOOF, spoken]
Okay, Norm, I’m pretty sure we’re like one drug reference away from a cease and desist.
[NORM, spoken]
Whoopsies.
He had a broad face and a little round belly. Just like you sir!
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly!
[DOOF, spoken]
Okay, laughing jelly? NFTs have gone too far.
[NORM, spoken]
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
[DOOF, spoken]
It’s not polite to body shame, Norm.
[NORM, spoken]
Sorry, dad
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
[DOOF, spoken]
“Soon gave me to know.” You know, if you used grammar like that in Gimmelshtump, you’d be eaten.
[NORM, spoken]
Oh boy!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk.
[DOOF, spoken]
A jerk? Oh what, was Roger there too?
[NORM, spoken]
Ah, family
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
[DOOF, spoken]
Again, gross.
[NORM, spoken]
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
[DOOF, spoken]
Ooh, ooh! Can I do this part?
[NORM, spoken]
Be my guest!
[DOOF, spoken]
"Evil Christmas to all, and to all a Grim Night!"
[NORM, spoken]
Good one, sir! Very festive.
[DOOF, spoken]
You know, Norm, that was actually kind of enjoyable! Maybe I do like Christmas.
Banging on the door
[OLD LADY, spoken]
Would you turn that off? I’m trying to get my long winter’s nap!
[DOOF, spoken]
Yes, Mrs. Thompson, we’re done now!
[OLD LADY, spoken]
Hmph!
[DOOF, spoken]
Eh, bah humbug.
[NORM, spoken]
God bless us, everyone!
Hi, I'm Norm.
T’was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that St Nicholas soon would be there.
[DOOF, spoken]
Norm, you know this intercom goes to the whole building, right?
[NORM, spoken]
Yes, sir!
[DOOF, spoken]
What is this, anyway? ‘The Night Before Christmas’? Great, another public domain holiday cliché to fill the album’s run time.
[NORM, spoken]
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.
[DOOF, spoken]
Sugar plums... What is a sugar plum, anyway? Is that one of those genetically engineered fruits? Like a… a GMO, or an NFT, or whatever they call it.
[NORM, spoken]
And mamma in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
[DOOF, spoken]
An ‘eye’ in your cap? Like a human eye? Now that’s evil!
[NORM, spoken]
Had just settled down for a long winter's nap.
[DOOF, spoken]
Yawns
I’ll take a nap over a cardio test.
[NORM, spoken]
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
[DOOF, spoken]
Threw up? Okay, first of all, gross. I can do with the human eye, but keep the bodily function out of this. Secondly, you don’t have a digestive system, you’re a robot!
[NORM, spoken]
Precisely, sir!
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer.
[DOOF, spoken]
Oh! Oh! I know who you’re describing. That’s gotta be Der Kinderlumper.
[NORM, spoken]
‘Der Kinderlumper’?
[DOOF, spoken]
Yeah, you know, the mythical monster from Drusselstein who ate tiny reindeer. Apparently he ate naughty children too. Absolutely terrifying.
[NORM, spoken]
Sounds holly and jolly!
With a little old driver, so lively and quick,
I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.
[DOOF, spoken]
I’m getting the sense this is not about Der Kinderlumper. He's more undead and rotting
[NORM, spoken]
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!
"Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen!
[DOOF, spoken]
Donner? I hardly know her.
[NORM, spoken]
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
[DOOF, spoken]
Ahhhhh, you get it!
[NORM, spoken]
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky.
So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,
With the sleigh full of toys, and St Nicholas too.
[DOOF, spoken]
He should try using a Galactic Travel-inator. It’s a lot faster, plus, you know, PETA won’t be mad about the whole reindeer thing.
[NORM, spoken]
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
[DOOF, spoken]
So, wait, you saw Santa take off, and then immediately heard Santa landing on the roof? Where was he flying from? The garage?
[NORM, spoken]
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
[DOOF, spoken]
Sounds like that anime convention the next building over.
[NORM, spoken]
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
[DOOF, spoken]
Yep, just like the anime convention.
[NORM, spoken]
Kamehameha!
I heard that from one of them!
A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.
[DOOF, spoken]
What is a ‘peddler’? Norm, define ‘peddler’.
[NORM, spoken]
Peddler: a person who sells illegal drugs or stolen goods.
[DOOF, spoken]
Oh my-- are we allowed to say that?!
[NORM, spoken]
Just as long as we don’t tell the DEA.
[DOOF, spoken]
The Disney Ethics Agency? Yeah, my lips are sealed.
[NORM, spoken]
His eyes—how they twinkled! His dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.
[DOOF, spoken]
Just like Grandma Gertrude.
[NORM, spoken]
The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
[DOOF, spoken]
Okay, Norm, I’m pretty sure we’re like one drug reference away from a cease and desist.
[NORM, spoken]
Whoopsies.
He had a broad face and a little round belly. Just like you sir!
That shook, when he laughed, like a bowl full of jelly!
[DOOF, spoken]
Okay, laughing jelly? NFTs have gone too far.
[NORM, spoken]
He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
[DOOF, spoken]
It’s not polite to body shame, Norm.
[NORM, spoken]
Sorry, dad
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
[DOOF, spoken]
“Soon gave me to know.” You know, if you used grammar like that in Gimmelshtump, you’d be eaten.
[NORM, spoken]
Oh boy!
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk.
[DOOF, spoken]
A jerk? Oh what, was Roger there too?
[NORM, spoken]
Ah, family
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
[DOOF, spoken]
Again, gross.
[NORM, spoken]
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose!
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
[DOOF, spoken]
Ooh, ooh! Can I do this part?
[NORM, spoken]
Be my guest!
[DOOF, spoken]
"Evil Christmas to all, and to all a Grim Night!"
[NORM, spoken]
Good one, sir! Very festive.
[DOOF, spoken]
You know, Norm, that was actually kind of enjoyable! Maybe I do like Christmas.
Banging on the door
[OLD LADY, spoken]
Would you turn that off? I’m trying to get my long winter’s nap!
[DOOF, spoken]
Yes, Mrs. Thompson, we’re done now!
[OLD LADY, spoken]
Hmph!
[DOOF, spoken]
Eh, bah humbug.
[NORM, spoken]
God bless us, everyone!
( Cast of M.W.C.A - Virtual )
www.ChordsAZ.com