I'll kiss you outside Dominos Pizza Just promise me that you won't move to South Korea Some people are like the air in your tires Some people are like the air in your lungs You need them both But you could choose not to drive Well, I guess you can choose not to be alive But being alive is great, so Let me feel alive, I need some motivation to...Learn More

Thomas Edison was a witch, go read a newspaper And I'll keep talking to my best friends on subways If I lose service I'll still be checking Twitter Even if I don't have anything funny to say And I know That saving all your money makes you really fucking boring And you know That being cool online's the only thing that's important And being...Learn More

Nobody likes me, that's what I used to think So I'd put down myself and go pick up a drink But after a few cases of Dr. Pepper I realized that I'm gaining weight and my teeth had been better So I tried Capri Sun, but it didn't help Cause they always made those pouches too small I had my first beer when I was 21, and I think that I threw up I lost...Learn More

I've been holding onto this for far too long so I wrote this song with the hope you knew I-V-E-B-E-E-N-S-A-D-B-U-T I'm getting better I've been waiting, for this to pay off, it's once a week and I'm losing sleep but can't stop thinking how I-V-E-B-E-E-N-C-R-Y-I-N-G-B-U-T I know nothings gonna mess this up Just Please don't tear your god damn...Learn More

I think the landlord's pissed Because I haven't liked her Facebook profile picture yet "It's only been up for two hours! Please don't raise my rent!" I don't think I can take much more out of my Bank account this month, I've spent way too much money On Magic the Gathering cards and Dragonball Z Blu-Rays And I don't even have a Blu-Ray player, I...Learn More

So just to start, I've never seen "Fight Club" front to back I've only caught a little bit of it on TV But it's gotten to the point where I know all the general plot and twists Someday I'll probably watch it, all my friends, they say it's good And what if I had a Fight Club-style alternate personality That was really shitty to all of my...Learn More

I hate every one of my childhood best friends Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, or maybe it's a flat out lie I don't talk to them, but I've got the best intentions Maybe I'll send them a letter later, maybe I won't even try I just want you to know the truth I hate every one of your high school boyfriends And that's not an exaggeration, I hope...Learn More

I used to get sad every day Caught up trying to make it through the night I'm telling you, I'd get sad every day But I'm alright Who would have guessed that every day, I'd try to kill myself I'd make it through the night, if I could cry myself to sleep Sad every day, but I'm alright I used to be sad, but I'm not anymore I finally found a way to...Learn More

I've been spending countless hours trying to save you But it feels like I'm not trying You always said you'd take this to your grave But we're both having trouble dying I won't bring flowers I won't bring Brandon Flowers I won't bring Brandon Flowers to your grave (No I won't) And if you're feeling lonely, you're still a friend of mine All these...Learn More

But it's been 14 years That I've been holding onto this First edition Charizard card Man, I thought it would get me through college But I was so wrong Now the damn thing's fucking worthless And it's got me feeling the same way Like I have no fucking purpose Feeling lost without a place to stay (And I know) And I know it's better for my health if...Learn More

The moment I saw your face, I knew that I'd regret it I asked you "What's your favorite Pokemon?" And I wish I'd never said it But you flipped your hair and said "dragonair" And I knew that you were the one And I never tried talking to girls for the first 18 years of life Fast-forward to a couple hours later We're in my bed alone, we're in my...Learn More

I tried so hard to beat you in Mario Kart, oh yeah You just kept saying I was letting you win We both know I have too much pride for that I think that blue shells have to be a metaphor for something I remember reading something on the web I'd like to look that up so I can have a decent conversation I guess that I'll Google it later When I was in...Learn More